


Kill the Boy

by SkyMagpie



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Other, also asshole adopted brother from the past, and logans adoptive mom tho she is not really there, basically this fic is exclusive for people following me on tumblr, good and bad, other people wont understand it, this is a lot of found family things, this is like a lot of father and his adopted son moment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 14:20:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12459579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkyMagpie/pseuds/SkyMagpie
Summary: Ranger Logan is having a nightmare about an event from his past that shaped him into who he is today, while he is travelling the Mojave with the most unlikely companion, a teenage legionary by the name of Ghost River in search of his mother.





	Kill the Boy

Logan could never forget that night. No it wasn’t the pain, it wasn’t the hurt that crushed his heart as someone he loved and trusted left him to die but it was just a simple scent - the smoke of burning wood. No matter where he went, where he stayed or spent the night, at the first sight if trouble, when his heart would start pounding, he would feel the scent of burning wood. And for him it wasn’t a painful reminder, but a good one. It helped him reflect on the things he had seen, the things he had done whenever he was holding someone on the other end of the barrel. It was that one thing between him and pulling the trigger and maybe he was stupid to follow his heart like that but damn if it didn't save his life more than he could count.

Burning wood was one of the last things on his mind as his gang finished raiding the nearby town. He raised his shotgun few times but didn’t fire a single round. Jacob shot the town sheriff and Liam killed a pair that came to them with their weapons drawn. Probably someones’ parents but he didn’t care at the time. The other citizens were now hiding wherever they could and Jacob had them all round up and forced to go in one of the empty barns. The children and the elderly, those that couldn’t hold a gun much less kill a man. But having them in one place made it easier to control the situation in case things went south.

They have raided the town before, a year back and still these people didn’t learn. There was no NCR, no desert rangers that will come in the night and hunt down the scary raiders. No one cared about the little people and Logan learned that lesson the hard way all those years back. They had a nice set up though, close to a canyon from the north and a mountain on the east. If they were smart they could have set up quite the defenses, but they weren't. They didn't have the man power and they didn't have the resources. No caravan even traveled this far from the big towns, and seeing how most of the people were either children or elderly, this town was doomed to something like this. Still Logan felt pity as he watched his fellow raiders push and shove these people into the barn like they were animals and not human like them.

“Come on, hurry up.” He told some of his friends as they were looting everything not nailed to the ground and filling their bags with the goods. Mostly food and medicine since people cared little about fancy clothes in the desert.

“Relax Logan, rangers ain’t coming for these idiots. Just go watch the hostages okay?” Jacob ordered him and Logan obeyed. He was their gang leader and he was a damn good one since it got them so far. After his father and brother died he was left carrying the weight of so many people yet he managed, he got them through thick and thin and all that at an age barely older than Logan.

Logan went by the barn with few others and watched the people all banded together in fear, holding each other close, strangers and neighbors and mothers and children. For a moment he felt like something stabbed him in the gut, saw himself in their eyes, a little kid among the corpses of everyone he knew, everyone he loved. But he strayed his gaze away knowing that the life in the Mojave was harsh, you either died or you were the one shooting, there were no other rules. Most of the jobs they did after Jacob's father died were just robbery, taking the things they need and running away into the night. Their previous leader was a softer man and he knew when to put his weapon down - something Logan deeply admired and learned from. But not Jacob, no, he was always a little brasher, a little more impatient and trigger happy. No wonder they would fight so often as kids. Jacob came in the barn after a while with few of their men and gestured at Logan to follow.

“Took you long enough.” Logan remarked as Jacob walked in.

“When you see what I got for you, you’ll be glad I took my sweet time.” Jacob replied and put his arm around Logan’s shoulder “Listen, I got this brand new idea as we went through this place.”

“Oh?” Logan rose a brow as he walked with his friend to the door.

“We sleep in caves and in the dirt while these idiots have beds and sofas in there. I think it’s about time we get ourselves a better place, something we deserve. I had few people scout the area and if this town ain’t the best damn place to defend I don’t know what is. No NCR or rangers are ever gonna come here.” Jacob proposed.

“I mean this is a great idea—” Logan began but the smile slowly faded from his face as he looked Jacob in the eye “What about the people?”

“Well what about them? They are like what, dozen idiots that can’t carry guns occupying town big enough for an army. If anything I’ll be doing the desert a favor.” He said and Logan pulled away from him, furrowing his brow as he stood in Jacobs way.

“Hey Reynard would have hated this. Just let ‘em go and take the town okay. You said NCR didn’t come here.” Logan stood his ground and refused to let Jacob pass.

“I can’t believe you are gonna bitch about this. Reynard is dead cause he thought he can be nice, these idiots don’t deserve it. They had their nice life and look what happened to them. They got us now and, well, though luck. Someone always gets hurt.” Jacob tried to move but Logan stood firmly in his way. Now the raider realized this was a serious fight, not like the ones they usually butted heads over.

“Just let them go. You are not your father, you don’t have to kill people. We got what we wanted let’s get out of here, think this through and make a decision with a clear head in the morning.” Logan was still younger and had no compelling arguments but something inside him just couldn’t let Jacob do what he was about to. Maybe it would have if he didn't look into the eyes of those kids and those people as they watched him stand there with his gun like the kind of monsters mothers told their children about at night.

“You really are a moron huh? If I let them go they will run to the nearest town and then I’ll have the whole fuckin’ Republic on my ass. You rather have them prisoners huh? Have my way with them?” Jacob now grabbed Logan by the arm and pushed him inside the barn again, next to the other members of the gang "I want you to man up for once and shoot 'em. When my father died he left me with you and now I am going to teach you a good life lesson."

“Jacob no,” Logan refused as he turned to Jacob with his gun in hand, refusing to shoot the people “What are you trying to prove? That you have balls, that you are some big shot? We have a code just let them run away. There are kids here for Lords sake.”

"Logan I am giving you a goddamn order as your leader and also as your friend. You have to kill the boy, the one inside you. You have to let go of whatever shit you have in your head from that night we found you and be a man. Now shoot." Jacob said it one last time. Logan gasped quietly as he heard the man he called brother tell him this. He couldn't. He turned for a moment and looked at the people, parents trying to comfort their children as they heard what was about to happen. He shot men with guns, he shot tribesmen and raiders, but he did it because he knew it was either him or them. And these people were innocent, unarmed. They were no threat to anyone, he couldn't kill them.

"No..." Logan whispered and slowly moved between the other raiders and the townsfolk. "I won't do it."

Jacob realized how things are going to be and he slowly turned around, cracking his neck a little as he approached his men. Two stood further in the back since they hesitated to shoot but few others were ready to fire as soon as Logan was out of their way. Jacob rested his thumbs on his belt and looked down for a moments, considering, before he turned to look at Logan again.

“You were right.” Jacob spoke and Logan’s eyes widened “I am not my father. I am not going to make the mistake of letting a punk like you live. He should have killed you when he had the chance. Now move your ass or get caught in the crossfire.” Jacob issued one last warning.

Logan now more than before didn’t want to get out of the way. Who was he kidding, he was always gonna be that kid raiders picked up after they killed his entire town. They knew it and he knew it. He had a good run with the gang cause Jacob’s father wanted to clear his own guilt and because he couldn't kill a child. Heck Reynard liked him because he saw him as some pet project. And he looked at the eyes of those few friends of his that lowered their weapons as soon as they were told to shoot innocents. He then looked at the ones that lowered their guns once they realized they will be shooting at him. And then at Jacob, standing there with his finger at trigger, waiting to take the first shot.

“Fine. Then die with them.” Jacob said and Logan refused to believe that he will actually shoot him. They had their differences and they always fought even before they both grew their first chin hairs, and Logan had quite the scar to prove it. But they were just dumb kids back then. Nothing like this. Logan thought that him standing between the people and Jacobs barrel would change his mind but he realized how wrong he was when he felt pain ripping through his shoulder. He didn’t even hear the shot but his body shielded the people behind him from it. And once the second piece of lead buried itself in Logan’s ribs he realized Jacob wasn’t even shooting at the people. He was shooting at him. The rest of the gunshots he heard loud and clear, but the pain grew so bad that he stopped counting after the sixth one. As Jacob ordered the other raiders, few shot at the man they once called friend. Eighteen shots fired and all in his body. He didn’t even know how many barely scrapped his skin when they went in the wooden wall behind them.

Logan fell back on the ground as his blood began soaking the dry hay around him. He couldn’t move and slowly he felt his breath escaping his lungs, making him gasp and choke. In his dying moments he only thought how he could have just stood outside, hearing the peoples cries as his friends finished the nasty job, pretend nothing happened, nod and agree with Jacobs plan and continue to live the way he did. But he couldn’t. Stealing was one thing, shooting some asshole with a gun another. But nothing like looking in the eyes of children as you kill their parents. As you kill their siblings. Jacob was right, he should have died as a boy among his town but right now he was happy that at least he got to die a man and not live the rest of his life as monster.

From that point on memories got fuzzy. Light, fire, the smell of burning wood and hay. There is was that burning wood, the only thing that was clear in a hazy moment. Gunshots but not from his gang. Someone else was there, to save the people or to kill his gang. The fire was probably an accident, a diversion so that Jacob can escape. And then strange hands drag him out, stick something in his chest. The people he saved around but they were a blur, like ghosts. And before his vision faded an expressionless mask, red visor and some words scribbled on the helmet. The rest was darkness, deafening silence and all that was left was the stench of fire and burning wood. The last thing he’ll ever feel he thought.

However that was the memory, one he sometimes went back to and sometimes he simply drowned in a bottle of whiskey, but dreams had a funny way of messing with peoples head. He opened his eyes to find himself laying in the burning barn again. Unable to move but nothing hurt. He looked where he would expect his savior to appear, the woman in the ranger armor and help the people drag him outside. But instead he saw a young man, dark raven hair much like him. But no, it wasn’t him. His skin was pale and his eyes piercing blue. Logan tried to speak but he couldn’t as the young man leveled a gun to his head and without a warning fired.

The shot echoed in his head as if it was really fired, jolting him awake to the smell of burning wood. For a moment he thought he was back then again, dying in that barn, but luckily he was in the desert after, under the starry sky. The campfire nearby is probably what he sensed and realizing he was exactly where he laid down to rest brought him peace. He needed a moment to collect himself and noticed that Ghost River was sleeping almost next to him. Damn he warned the kid to keep his distance. Logan got up and went to his bag, looking for the small pocket watch he had there, see how long till dawn since they had to start moving as early as they could. As he went through his things, his ranger helmet fell down, rolling in the sand, finally stopping at a rock with the visor turned towards him

“Oh don't you dare look at me like that.” Logan argued quietly with his helmet and continued to go through his bag, glancing back at the helmet few times before he sighed and picked it up, walking away from the campsite. Once he was out of Ghost Rivers earshot he perched the helmet up on a rock and addressed it as it was addressing a person.

“You! You have no right to judge me. I didn’t pack up and leave when shit got ugly and trust me ever since you left shit got real ugly. And I was left to face them. So cut me some slack.” He wagged his finger at the helmet which just stood there idly on the rock. Logan slid his hair back and glared at the helmet, feeling as if the inanimate object was silently judging him. By the Lord he almost thought it's smirking for a moment. Once the initial anger passed, his eyebrows rose and he seemed so lost, so sad and confused as he looked at the ranger mask. Slowly he approached the rock and knelt in front of it, tucking his legs underneath him so that he can sit comfortably and stared at the red visor of the mask with gentle eyes.

“You took in a raider, not a legionary...Am I doing the right thing? What they do is unspeakable but he is just a kid, he didn’t ask for any of this. Maybe he will shoot me in the head, the hell if I know, but I can’t kill him. I can’t leave him to die out here either.” Logan spoke as if he bargained with the helmet but he was just talking to himself.

“He needs me.” He said quietly and gently stroke the old dirty helmet, tracing over the words that were carved into it “You showed me that even a man like me can change, can be good. You saved me for a reason and I want to know why? Is this my reason? Is this why I am here or I am just trying to atone for everything I’ve done? Then why do I feel like I am doing something right?”

There was no answer but Logan heard what he needed to hear. He got his answer in the blank stare of the helmet that once belonged to the woman that saved his life. It really seemed like the expressionless mask had a warm smile to it, a gentle and wise expression even if it was just a piece of Pre-War plastic. It meant a lot to Logan and it was the only thing he had left.

Kill the boy Logan. Be a man. Or save him, guide him. Help him become a man.

Logan leaned his head against the helmet and for a moment he felt the peace and safety of the only place he ever called home. He felt loved and sheltered and he realized that if it weren’t for that he wouldn’t be half the man he was, he wouldn’t save all the people he did, no matter which side they fought on. Maybe he was wrong but he was still human and his heart guided him through every time he shot a Legionary and every time he held back. And in this moment, under this sky, his heart knew what he has to do. Who was going to give Ghost River that same shelter and comfort this helmet gave Logan right now?

“Until we meet again...” he said quietly to the ranger helmet and picked it up, returning back to camp with it.

Ghost River woke up and realized Logan wasn’t where he laid down to sleep. In fact the camp felt suddenly empty and deserted and Ghost River sat up in his bedroll, looking around before his eyes could adjust to the darkness. The only light he saw was the campfire still burning softly next to him but no sign of his companion anywhere.

“Logan?!” he shouted in panic, looking around scared of being left alone in the desert at night. His heart raced and he felt his throat closing for a moment.

“Shhh, you’ll wake up everything from here to Vegas. I’m here.” Logan calmed him with a soft voice as he was returning from his little trip with the helmet in hand. He put it back in the bag and looked at the watch her was previously trying to find. It was barely past midnight and they still had few hours to rest. He put it back inside and noticed that Ghost River is quietly watching him, breathing heavily since his heart was still pounding from the overwhelming fear of being abandoned like that.

"Well you could have said--" Ghost River tried to sound angry, tried to argue but he was sleepy and he was tired, but most of all he was glad Logan didn't leave for real and he was back here with him.

“You are not getting rid of me that easy.” Logan joked but realized Ghost River was seriously scared for the moment and he didn't really need any of Logan's wit and sarcasm. “Hey I wouldn’t just leave you like that okay? I promised you that, and I meant it."

Ghost River didn’t say anything and he just turned away, laying back down on his bedroll and trying to get comfortable. Logan looked at him for a moment and just put the blanket over his back where Ghost River couldn’t reach, gently tucking him in. So what if he was a Legionary he thought, so what if he aimed a gun at his head at some point? He was still a kid, and more than any other Legionary he has met, this kid knew right from wrong, he knew when to draw the line. People that were truly good don't need someone to force them to change, they find it in themselves, in their hearts. They just need someone to believe in them, and Logan had nothing left but to believe that maybe, just maybe, he can save this one kid from this war. He gently tapped Ghost River's arm, reassuring him that he is right here and Ghost River felt it, opening his eyes again and squeezing the blanket in his hands. He wouldn't admit but he felt safer knowing Logan was beside him and that he would be there for him no matter what. Whether he really believed it or not, it was a comforting thought. Logan laid down again, on his side where the old wounds hurt the least, turned away from the light of the fire and felt how Ghost River pushed his back against his own, finding comfort and safety in the warmth of another person. Logan didn’t pull away as he would normally do and he let him. He knew Ghost River needed this and for what it was worth so did he. As long as he could smell that scent of burning wood, somewhere in his heart, he knew he was doing the right thing.

Save the boy. Help him be a man.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I have ever written and posted on AO3 so if you read this far thank you. I will probably not to this again. Also way to make friends by posting about my OCs exclusively and not a single canon character.   
> Hope you like it! This is a tumblr followers exclusive fic since only people that follow me will ever understand whats going on.


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